In October 2022, one of our Father formators asked us, the Jesuit Juniors, to begin communally discerning about a project.
We would have to consider making a 10-minute video that would serve as a segue for Sacred Heart Novitiate’s fundraising concert at their 90-year anniversary celebration. We were immediately faced with difficulty as we did not yet possess crucial information about the project’s purpose, duration, and content. As we began our conversation, the lack of information disturbed us and we knew it was almost impossible to respond this way. There were more questions of which answers we needed to know before we could substantially proceed, we were venturing into a dark path with so little light. We initiated necessary correspondence, most especially with the Novitiate community and here we patiently waited.
We pressed forward for a bit even though the direction was still dim. In this darkness, certain movements were beginning to surface, ones that made us hesitate and others that allowed us to stay the course. Concrete factors that were pulling us back were vast and concrete. One of which was the time constraint as we Juniors had so many things going on in the new normal – post pandemic phase and of course, we needed some breathing space as was necessary for our transition from our novitiate experience. Second was our fear of not being able to meet expectations, compounded by our lack of experience and time. In fact, much energy was expended in trying to know what exactly were the expectations for the video and it was noticeably a strong influence on how we proceeded with our discernment. At one point, we were even describing ourselves akin to hired video producers and ergo had to suit our client’s needs and expectations; a disposition that was provoking yet at the same time depersonalizing.
Gratefully, within us was also gleaming light just enough for us to see where we were and to consider the situation in light of the Spirit. First was the trust we had for our fellow Jesuit brothers, especially our fellow formands. We trusted that they would help us in this project with whatever assistance we would be needing. It was beautiful and almost to a fault, as we did not even need a discussion for it; we simply presumed that they would be eager to help us. A trust that was most likely based on our own experience in the Society, that each community in the name of charity does desire and put effort into helping each other out especially when it serves a larger enterprise.
Second was our deep gratitude for the Lord and His love. Fresh from our novitiate, how could we ever forget how the Lord loved us in that most intimate moment? Remembering our love story with God intensified in the novitiate charged us with gratitude which provided us with enough desire to stay on the path. Such a desire was like oil that provided our lamps with enough light to see and enabled us to at least consider taking the next step. When we relished more deeply this gratitude, it broke forth even more light coming from our hearts shining forth unto the path which allowed us to see with clarity the situation as an opportunity. From a worldly perspective of customer satisfaction to the divine perspective of responding with love exactly because we are loved. So, by November 2022, we were able to trudge forward and give our yes.
It was beautiful to witness how so many of our fellow Jesuits responded to this opportunity of which two vital steps were necessary for such a fruit. First, we understood that providing suitable conditions for producing the video was necessary to motivate our brothers to participate. These included having an adequate physical stage along with video and audio recording devices, and appropriate lighting, all of which we were able to acquire from generous fellow Jesuits. Second, it was important to have as the center for this endeavor, gratitude for God and His labor for each of us in our novitiate experience. So many desired to respond that we had to turn down some as we were already exceeding our time limit. Our trust in our fellow brother Jesuits proved to be true and we witnessed it culminating in our collective love for our Lord.
For the video’s substance, we directed the participants to articulate from their hearts the personal significance of Sacred Heart Novitiate, afterwards we then let it fly. And though this 10-minute video was filled with stories of nine Jesuit scholastics, two Jesuit fathers, and one lay collaborator, it was really a narrative of a most intimate love story of our Lord as told by His beloved companions. A story in which the setting of the novitiate was but a beginning, a birth of a new identity. An identity chosen by the Lord Himself founded by the greatest truth, that our Lord loves each of us unconditionally. When we were in the novitiate, we were then like babies swimming in full immersion in His amniotic sac of nurturing love which would hopefully initiate the growth and conformation of our whole being towards that divinely chosen identity. Once fundamental sustenance had been received, we as novices then got born into the world spreading forth into the farthest margins and proclaiming the good news of God and His love for all.
A cemetery is also within the novitiate of which in due time and by God’s grace, a Jesuit having fully lived and given away his life then returns from whence he came. Back into the open arms of his Life Giver, he then lovingly rests and fully surrenders into the fold of His embrace. In these tombs is a sensation of peaceful serenity and quiet presence in the loving companionship of these fellow deceased Jesuits. Such is the beauty of the novitiate as immortalized by being the ‘womb and tomb’ of the Jesuits of the Philippine Province.
Having come from a place of hesitation while plodding into this shadowy trail came forth a radiance that dispelled all the shadow. Looking back on our journey with all the tensions, spiritual conversations, discernment, correspondences, and video production, there is no doubt that the Spirit of God had always been with us, energizing all of us into this magnificent enterprise. Now, extending further in our current formation, we as Jesuit Juniors continue to tread on in this life, responding with love while bearing this light of gratitude that stems forth from each of our personal experiences with God and His all-abiding presence and love.
This article was published on The Windhover Magazine, Year XXV, Vol 2, August 2023 for the 90th Anniversary of the Sacred Heart Novitiate
Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jz7ychuKhY
